Filthy Frank x Reader
by Aledleledlele
Summary: You- a half- lycra half- human who has been living underground in a cavern for years, your only company being bat-squirrels and books. Him- one of the filthiest people in the history of filth, the living embodiment of what a person should not be. Is it possible for you two to fall in love when your paths meet? Nope.
1. A Day in the Life

Realm 6.2

2000ch

Bat Squirrel Caves

Your eyes opened slowly, nothing but darkness surrounded you.

This of course, was not a surprise, living in a cave and all. You weren't butthurt about it. You had lived in these caves for almost as long as you could remember. And it wasn't that bad, it was sort of like an underground house, you had your own room, a huge ass library, and of course the caverns where the bat-squirrels slept in the daytime. One of them you had even made your pet, Lucaz. You lit your oil lamp, one of your few sources of light and walked to your food cabinet, and ate rat jerky with a couple chromosomes. You walked into your grand library and continued reading on the history of your father's people, the Lycra-people. You couldn't remember anything about your father, he had died a little after you were born. But now you were learning quite a bit about how these creatures had came to existence. Apparently the had once been human, just like Mom, you thought, and then transformed into humanoid being after being infected by a powerful being's "Chromosomes". However the being's name was torn out of all the books you had read, you did not know how Mom had managed that.

A another day had passed, you could tell the sun was setting because the Bat-squirrels were getting restless, annoying fucks. You bookmarked your book and made your way to the caverns to watch them fly. Thousands, maybe tens of thousands of them all bunched up together, you always thought if you could see the right side up, they'd look like really sassy dancers. But now they were awake, some of them flying around, others wondering what the hell your oil lamp was, even though you had been down here with the oil lamp almost every night for over a fucking decade. But then Lucaz flew down, and you could tell it was him by the white spot on his head. He began to hang from your hand and started nuzzling your thumb. Bat-squirrels were probably just bats, but the only squirrel thing about them was there face, looking like a squirrel, instead of the creepy-ass sonar absorbing faces that other bats tended to have.

You started following the group as the flew through the caverns to the exit, a hole in the roof of the caves that was about 3 feet wide, and fifty feet from the ground. You had always wanted to climb out of the caves and explore the world, just like the bat-squirrels. But of course, there was no way you could, you weren't a goddamn rock climbing spelunker or whatever the fuck those people are called, but you were trying to learn some sort of Lycra magic bullshit your father might've known. But you weren't that sure a Lycra-human hybrid could even learn magic.

I mean, for gods sakes, Lycra didn't even cover your whole body! You just had light blue Lycra skin that covered the top have of your body and thankfully your boobs, and your head Lycra could be pulled back like a flesh hood revealing your h/l h/c hair. Looking over all of this your life was pretty fucked up, but then you saw the moon through the cave hole and your thoughts about every life decision you've ever made halted. You began to feel drowsy, so you were probably just going to go back to your room and vigorously jack off to some comic of a guy slamming into another guy or something, I don't know, I don't control your fucking life, but I do in this story, so roll with it.


	2. A Nightmare To Remember

You didn't have dreams that often.

Or at least, you couldn't remember the majority of them. Most of the dreams followed a certain line of direction. Either involving you flying out of the caves with the bat-squirrels, or reliving a memory of your mom that had been buried into your sub conscious. But on rare occasions you would dream of reliving an event you had read in a fantasy book.

However, tonight was unlike anything you had ever experienced.

You were standing in the middle of a pink void. You looked around, pink as far as you could see. But then you saw a form. You couldn't really tell what it looked like, or even what color it was, but you could make out that it was a humanoid shape, and that it had turned around looking at you with a warm smile. It took a deep breath and then spoke in a polite, somewhat timid matter.

"Hi."

It was a male's voice, you began to reach out for it, but you felt like you were in molasses, you tried to respond, but no word came from your mouth. Suddenly, the form that had spoken to you dissolved, and the void became a blackish-purple, your heart raced, and you felt a hand clamp over your mouth and pull you back. Someone whispered in a tone that had no soul or happiness into your ear. You couldn't tell what they were saying, and the void began to consume you, the voice still speaking gibberish in your ear.

And for what could have been a couple of seconds or for an eternity, you couldn't breath and all was silent.

Your eyes shot open, you shot up, gasping for air. It took you a couple of seconds to recall the dream. Oh, and did you recall it. You recalled that dream more that a single guy recalls a pizza and lotion store.

You had woken up quite earlier than you usually would, you could hear most of the bat-squirrels just beginning to return. There was no way you could fall back asleep after that fucking hellish endeavor, so instead you lit your oil lamp and made your way to the cave exit to see the sky in the morning.

As you began to come closer to the cave exit, you swore you could hear other things, something through the sounds of bat-squirrels that you had grown so accustomed to. It sound like...

A voice.

Your heart began to race, at least you thought it was a voice. The majority that you could hear at the moment, was squeals and the occasional gruff sound.

When you were standing right under the cavern exit, you could see the orange tinted sky, and the bat-squirrels swarming into the cave. You closed you eyes and listened carefully for the voices.

"As you can see here, all the tendons and fur are on this one, nothing fucked up about it, so you just know this one's going to be a totally mind-blowing condom."

"NYEEEEEESSS."

"Shut the hell up salamander man!"

Words. Sentences. Dialogue(sort of.) this would be music to your ears if the voices weren't so fucked up. One of the switched from a gravely, gargle, to a high pitch type. You weren't even going to get started on the other one.

But then a realization sunk into you- one of them had either killed or had just kill a bat-squirrel. You clenched your teeth, rage boiled in fathomably in the bit of your stomach. You weren't sure exactly why you were pissed the hell off, but it was probably because this asshat was about to kill one of the only things that had kept you company in the years you live down here.

At the top of your lungs you scream " DON'T YOU DARE HURT THAT CREATURE NYAAAAAAAH DEEP ASS!"


	3. A Crappy Rope

It's moments like this in a story where our character comes to a 'fork in the road' when either one thing or a bazillion other things could happen. This, however, is not one of those things, it's more like a knife in the road, or a churro. Mm, churros. Because I'm the author of this shitty fan fiction, and what I say goes, and you are going to meet Francis of the Filth and probably at one point have a really weird sexual experience with him.

Anyway.

On with the story.

After a couple of seconds, you saw the silhouette of a couple of heads. The ones on peoples necks of course! You couldn't really make out the faces at all. Then one of them looked to the other and said "b0ss, it a pUssi!" Somehow you could tell they were saying something completely different, but still could not make it out.

"Holy shit of the sun! Do you need to get out of there? Pink guy, get the rope!"

One of the heads slipped away as it through a rope down at you. However, the rope was weighed down by a sack of dildos, so it ended up hitting you in the head before you could side-step. This, like any blow in the head in any fanfiction ever, knocked you out unconscious.

Although your memory was spotty from the events that took place after that, you do remember being carried away, but your eyes hurting from so much light that you closed your eyes where everything went black again. You then remember hearing screeches and the smell of something really good. But finally, you woke up in a clean linen bed in a dim room. The walls were white, the floor was tile, all there was was your bed, a bathroom, and a desk with a tablet on it. You walked over to the tablet, and noticed you wore clean white cotton pants, unlike the burlap you usually wore to cover your exposed human parts. You touched the tablet, and suddenly the screen lit up, and a voice began to speak.

"Welcome to the Realm 6.2 initiation program, where we teach you about everything you need to know to not die a horrible death in this realm, now, this program caters to your situation, so we are fully aware of what you may or may not know about the new, awful world around you. Now, get comfortable, and let's begin."

To put it simply, the whole process was agonizing, it told you a bunch of stuff you had already known, books and shit, because aren't you just SO clever. But, you were still able to learn a couple tidbits about the dimensions of the realm you were in as well as the other dimensions. You were especially excited about the internet and stuff, because you were so fucking done with books. After spending a day in the program, you were given a sackful of your belongings and a few thousand chromosomes to get you started in the real world.

You were able to land a job in a mini-mart, even though the only thing you were able to put on your resume was "Good in dark places" "Afraid of falling objects" and "Good with small flying mammals". With the money you were able to rent a one room apartment. It was a bit small, but you enjoyed that. Unfortunately, the reason the apartment so so fucking cheap was the fact that the neighbors were so agonizingly noisy, and the smell in the hallway always smelled of curry.

Despite this, you had managed to make it through a whole month in this new life without breaking down into insanity. You were able to bring Lucaz with you, but he usually slept all day and then leave through the window at nightfall. It was your day off, and you decided to check out the dimension, since you had hardly stepped out of your apartment other than work-related stuff.

The moment you stepped out of your apartment however, so did one of your your neighbors, he was yelling, and almost immediately you recognized the gravely, throat cancerous voice.

"Fuck."


	4. That Poor Bastard's Face

Before you could dash down the hall or go back into your room, he turned around, it was the first time you had ever gotten a good look at his face. You honestly didn't know weather to be disgusted or to be strangely aroused. Greasy dark brown combed over hair, his nasal labial lines deeper that canyons, and eyes open like hes always walking into his own surprise party, only to be exaggerated by his glasses. Topped of with his dirty blue shirt and fine stubble on that face. And, no pants to be seen.

His eyes looked you over, confusion growing over his face- he's trying to remember who I am- you took the chance to sprint down the apartments hallway before he could start to say something, all whilst you made a humming gurgling noise in the back of your throat. So Lycra- like was it not? Cunt.

Whilst you ran down the stairs, you could faintly hear his horrible voice yell at something, and then a squeal from someone else on the floor. You made it out of the building, but for some reason you were still running. I gotta say, for someone who had been living in a cramped cave for the majority of your life, you have really impressive cardio vascular endurance. Anyway, just as you began to make your sprinting thing you heard a scream and a huge red thing down to a huge red blob came out of nowhere.

You stopped in your tracks to see what it was. It turned over to and groaned in pain. It was a red Lycra-person. He looked up at you and started speaking in a foreign tongue that you were able to make out as "The fuckface wants to talk."

You looked up, that cancerous creep was staring out from the window at you and the Lycra. Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.(At this point a change of point of view will somehow happen, I find this kind of weird since the story is about YOU and the character represented as YOU is currently sprinting down a sidewalk in New York, but then again, you are reading a story to hope to have romance with the worst guy on the internet, who in reality is a completely normal guy. But, hey, you're the reader, not me.)

"Goddammit Red Dick, I told you to land on your ass, not your head," yelled Francis of the filth at his scarlet comrade who was currently flipping him off from the concrete.

"ey b0ss!"

"What is it pink guy!?"

The pink Lycra then motioned to the muscular man in underwear standing right behind him.

"Oh! ohohohhoho! Prometheus, I completely forgot you were visiting! Ohohoho, um, yeah, can you just- could you just go after her? You'd probably be able to get much better than red dick in his- eh... condition. Hm, should of made you go after her in the first place, wow."

Prometheus looked out the window at his creator who was now unconscious, nodded toward the pant-less human, and proceeded to jump out of the window, stick the landing, and sprint in the direction the half-Lycra was running.

You leaned against a light post. You had been running for a good 10 minutes, and now just needed to catch your breath. You looked around, you weren't sure exactly where you were, but it seemed to be a decent part of town. Besides, you had some money, so you could get a cab at the end of the day.

You started looking around, and then you saw it, an... 'Adult Graphic Novel' shop. You had been finding unimaginable amounts of gay porn on the internet, but the Librarian had specifically banned you from the Library for eternity, even needed to call in security guards in. Bitch. But now you could by all that you needed. Just when you started to look for a crosswalk, you could been eyes penetrating you from a distance. And not in the ways you had read in the hardcore books.

Your head snapped to look behind you, and a few blocks down, you saw a large muscule man in nothing but his underwear, with his pecs bouncing with each mighty step, his calves and quads and tendons contracting and retracting and his abs shined and-

Hold on, HE'S COMING RIGHT TOWARDS YOU! RUN BITCH! RUUUUUUUUN!

You start running down the sidewalk, trying to avoid pedestrians, but the muscle man was running faster than any human should be able to, you grab a metal trash can and throw it in his direction, but he punches it out of the way, where it subsequently bounces of his fist, creating a small shockwaves, then flies into a truck full of c4, that explodes, the blow of the explosion, knocking you down, the only sound you can here are your ears ringing.


	5. Compromise Like Canada

"Ahk, neek, merp, oh, nwahahah, overexposed crabs! OHNANANAYAAL!"

You knew you were probably just talking pure gibberish (hint: you fucking were you scrub), but you were just trying to make a sound, any sound, to hear if the high pitched ringing was wearing off. After what seemed like 30 seconds, you could faintly hear the dribble of sounds and words you were spewing out.

You opened your eyes, all the windows of the buildings within a block of you were shattered. The truck that had carried the c4 was now just a flaming heap of scrap metal and bad smelling rubber. The porn shop was probably okay, thank god you had ran a good distance from it before the detonation.

BUT SUDDENLY-

You were picked up by a pair of two perfectly sculpted arms. Shit, it was the fabulous underwear man. No one else you could imagine had arms veins that did not bulge out, yet you could feel them beating against your very- wait a second...

He's carrying you in the opposite direction you were running. Quick! Do something to move the plot!

You somehow know he's taking you back to the apartment, so you begin to furiously squirm, kick, and yell more gibberish. Prometheus is surprised by your strength( Ha! I suddenly changed the point of veiw! You mightn't noticed it! But I just might do it more often! MUHAHAHAHAH-), so he flexed his muscles to there full size. This squeezed you so tightly and quickly that it just knocked the fucking wind out of you. You coughed and wheezed, trying to get air back into your lungs, like a fine expensive tart full of fruit and yogurt. As you do this, you realize that there is no way your getting out of this problem with physical force. Rationalism, okay, let's try this out.

"Please, let me go, and can't we come to an agreement of some kind?"

Prometheus was taken aback by your suddenly calm and serious tone, and just the fact of how well you were speaking. He had never met a Lycra-person who could speak in normal dialogue. He slowly released you, but was still fully prepared to grab a hold of you again in a non-perverted way if were bagan to run again.

Once you got your footing, you brushed yourself off of the dust and bits of glass that covered your pant legs. You turn around to face the perfect god-like man.

"Look," you begin, speaking to make sure you form coherent sentences," I'm going to guess the pant less guy with the weird voice sent you?" Prometheus nodded.

" Okay, you have to understand, I really want to check out the city. Most of my life I've lived a... secluded lifestyle, and this is the first time I'll be observing the out world in chromosomes, you understand?" Promethues nodded once more, you wondered what he sounded like, or if he could even talk.

"So, how about this, let check out the city, and tonight I'll come to your guy's apartment when I get back and take a shower, god I really need a shower, I haven't taken one in a while, I must smell like the cast of the walking dead, you know what I'm saying?" you nudge him, but he just blankly stares at you, serves you right for watching entire shows on Netflix then trying to reference them. Bitch-ass sky colored bitch.

" So- uh- do we have a deal?" Prometheus simply nods at you, and turns to leave.

" Oh wait! I- I'll be there at around 9, so you can warn him," You poke your cheek and grin," F/n L/n is coming!" He nods again, and in the blink of an eye, jumps into the air to go to his next destination.


	6. It Was Surprisingly Good

The sheer amount of porn you had purchased, in the most polite terms, was ridiculous. After checking out parts of the city, and realizing how fucking huge this dimension was, you had went to the porn shop and lasted about an hour in there, and made acquaintances with the store owner. Not only did they have graphic novels, but movies, and normal porn novels. You had spent so much money there that you had to carry four large paper bags, and had to take the bus home.

You finally got back to the apartment. It was 8:23, you still had plenty of time to get ready. You were ready for a well- anticipated hot shower.

Then you had to go to his place.

You let the warm water cascade over your skins. You pull down your Lycra flesh hood, and sigh in relief as your scalp begins to become wet. You start to massage soap onto your scalp, and let your mind begin to wander. Just when you start to rinse out the shampoo, you hear a huge thud, and then a muffled squeal. At first you think it's coming from inside your apartment, but then you realize it's form your neighbors. What are those ass dicks doing? You wonder.

~############~

You tried to make yourself look at least half-way decent. Clean pants, t-shirt, hair still damp, but you tucked it back under your Lycra skin, so it didn't really matter. You walked over to your neighbor's door. Not even a second after you knocked, you were welcomed by...

What the fuck?

A white Lycra-person wearing a green frog like-hat. That was the least strange thing about this guy. His chest was exposed, the hand that wasn't creepily beckoning you in was just rubbing his nipple. Not to mention he had just a fucking creepy look on his face. Your just about to simply walk away, but then he pushed the Lycra-person out of the way, and he was wearing a lacy pink apron(OOH LOOK! I TRIED TO BE HUMOROUS! DO YOU LOVE ME NOW?!).

" Fuck off Salamander Man!" he then gave you a somewhat twisted grin," welcome to a glorious, you may call me a sexy bastard of a sun drop n' pop, or Filthy Frank, your choice really.

"Kay." God. He sounds like the what crotch itch would be as a person, and he probably was! But it was a bearable and somewhat humorous greeting. You walked into the apartment and is was.. really pleasant as a matter of fact. The apartment was much bigger than yours, and smelled of some awesome food. Everyone was sitting at a table, laughing and generally dicking around, except for a pink Lycra-man in the kitchen making a dessert, and a black guy filming him.

When dinner came around, it was some Russian dish that had a lot 's and v's in the name. After that it was creme brulee or something- honestly does it matter? Anyhow, during all of this you all discussed various topic, and you found out that you could actually understand what they were saying, despite the fact most of them either spoke a completely different language, or just made squeals and grunts mixed with gibberish. How you did, I don't fucking know. But you all discussed a variety of topics, varying from whether or not a guy could get his dick cut off and still be able get pleasure from rubbing the remaining nub, to why society pretends to be politically correct, despite the fact that many of there attempts more often then not makes them look more bigoted. Afterwards, everyone started to watch The BFG movie. Just when the movie end, you look over at a clock.

Holy pensive! 2:18! Jebus Creezeeys! Thank God it's Sunday today. You get up to go. "I better get going, see ya jizzes."

Everyone says bye of some for, except for for a resting Salamander Man, who was getting spooned by a sleeping pink guy. You weren't going to assume anything, but you unconsciously whispered under your breath "50% chance is gey."

Overall, you were glad you did this whole thing. Even though every person in that room were the last people you would want to be anyone's role models, their sense of dark humor and overall awkwardness made them sort of charming in a fucked up way, not to mention they were sympathetic beings, that you could could somehow relate to on a deep level. Simply put it, you were glad you finally had people that you could consider friends, and made the future seem a little less scary.

But then this bullshit happens.

Just as you reach the door to exit, Frank runs up to you, and attempts to do a sexy pose to block you from the door knob.

" How about I walk you home?"

"Frankekekekekekekes... I live live literally 5 feet away."

"Please?" he also attempts to look adorable, but it just creeps the shit out of you. So you deeply sigh, and the word 'prostate' escapes you lips.

"Okay, fine, just please stop doing that face thing, it's fucking creeping."

You open the door to your apartment, letting Frank in, "Now, this is Miley cyrus- my castle," you then silently curse yourself for misspeaking a phrase. Your guest looks around the small apartment,"Huh, way cleaner than mine."

"Thanks, I was able to get for a really good price as well thanks to-" THUD. Frank is now lying face down on the ground. You panic for a couple seconds, but then you see is lightly breathing. He's sleeping.

You then realize your too tired to deal with this, deal with it later, sleep now.

What a fucking day.


	7. And Now It Starts

You start to dream. You're in a field or white fluffy stuff. The sky was sort of green. Someone is sitting on a stool a couple of yards in front of you. They were looking down at something. You walk over to them. Your dream doesn't let you see there face, but you can see it's a young man. Short, messy black hair. Torn jeans, a white t-shirt. You peer at what he's doing. It was a small electronic device, and your dream-mind somehow knew he's was creating a song.

"What are you going to call your song?" you ask.

He flinches a bit, startled by your voices. But then he chuckles a little bit. "I'd rather not tell, it's not like your going to hear it."

His voice is vaguely familiar, but either way it was pleasant. "Your not going to show the song to anyone?"

"Probably not."

"So... is that why you're here? So that no one will see your creations."

"Partially," He replies,"But everyone has there deeper reasons."

A small breeze blows through the field.

Then, as if on cue, everything becomes dark red. All you can hear are a bunch of loud buzzing noises, and what sounds like a suffering child repeating " All will fade and shut like his." You see him again, the young man, but he's lying on the floor, twitching all over. You try to reach out to him, but you can't move anything, all you can do is watch as you begin to feel hands tighten around your throat, and a voice begins whispering in your ear, what it is, you cannot tell. For a split second, you feel yourself being impaled by something.

And what could easily have been forever, you knew you were alone in the void.

You eyes snapped open, you gasped and coughed as you fell out of bed. You curl into a ball onto the ground and begin to stutter out random words between your sobs. Tears begin to sting you eyes, and start to roll down your cheeks as the nightmare continues to replay in your head. Your confused, tired, scared, weak.

And alone.

But then a pair of arms wrap around you caring-like , and you can hear Frank's voice. He's speaking in that other language you can somehow understand. Japanese, it's apparently called. Saying things that basically mean "It's okay f/n, Franku is here, you're safe, you won't get hurt." And... his voice has hardly any trace of its usual raucous tone. It's much more modulated, and very soothing.

You calm down after a couple of minutes, and so there the both of you are, sitting on the floor in a small bedroom, his arms around you. It hits you like a large leak that you are pretty much cuddling Frank. A guy, who just yesterday you a: did not know his name and b: ran away from. You were beginning to feel a Disney princess complex building up here. But then you had a second realization; You didn't care. you honestly did not care. You had just been a fucking scary acid trip of an experience. You've earned this!

A question then pops into your head. Just a simple question.

"Fr-Frank?"

He look at you with a face as calm as one like his can be," _Yes f/n_?" he asked in the same, buttery voice.(Oh and yeah every time he speaks in Japanese ill just put it in italics, i dont wanna remind you guys constantly because i know not all of you are brain dead.)

A blush begins to cover your cheeks as you gaze into his brown eyes. Your heart begins to beat a little quicker. Ask it already!

"Do you... do you always fall unconscious out of the blur?"

He stares at you with a blank expression for a few seconds, and he switches back to his usual gravel- like voice,"Oh! Uh, well, sometimes my body body finally realizes just how hell of tired it is, so it sort of just stops. And my mind is like 'ah great, this bullshit again' so it just follows."

You chuckle a little bit and nuzzle into his shirt. It smells sort of earthy, and like every good thing, that has been cooked in that apartment. Frank returns the show of affection by putting his hand on your head, and begin to pet you. After a minute of this however, your Lycra flesh-hood slips down, revealing your h/c hair. An expression of surprise grows on Frank's face.

"I had no idea Lycra-people could do that," he says as his hand hovers over your hair, not sure weather to touch it.

"I honestly have no idea either, but I just always assumed I could do it cuz im half-human n' stuff."

"You're... half human?"

You nod in response.

" _That explains so much_."

You gaze into each other's eyes for a while. It's unusually quiet outside, but the city lights provide enough luminescence for him to make out all the feature of your face. Your e/c eyes, your s/c complexion, the way you sort of have helmet hair from constantly having the flesh hood, the little scare on your cheek... and your soft lips...

He places his hand on your hair, feeling its texture.

He kisses you.

A simple kiss. You both simply have your slightly parted lips together, and he tilted his head slightly to gain better access. No passion, no force, no heavy breathing, no tongues. At first, you don't know what to do, you've literally have never been in a situation like this before. But then you remember some of the soft-core stuff from your comic books. You let your eyes flutter shut, and your hand slid up his torso to rest on his shoulder. His breath didn't really smell like anything, except maybe a hit of tobacco, you were surprised and thankful for this. And you both stayed like that. For how long, you didn't know.

But if I'm going to make an estimation, I'd say about 3 to 5 minutes of smooching went down.

You both part from one another. You look at each other for a couple of seconds, but then you suddenly become fascinated in Frank's shirt button. Your not really sure where to go from here- so you manage to squeak out "Did we just..."

"Yeah, and lemme just say, that I'm just- I am so sorry."

You feel your face rapidly heat up, so you try to nuzzle deep into Frank's chest. God damn embarrassing. But Frank only chuckles, and brings you in for another gentle embrace. You and him stayed like that until you drifted away into a dreamless slumber. Just asleep, not dead.


	8. That Lingering Feel

When people wake up, and have had a proper amount of sleep, the waking up process can go two ways. Either you wake up refreshed and energized, or covered in dried drool, bedhead, and not knowing where you are or what year it is. With the patterns of this terrible story- if you can even call it that- you can probably guess where you fall into.

Once who remember who the fuck you are, you noticed your not in your bed. You're on the floor... with a blanket.. and...

Oh yeah.

That happened.

Shit.

You looked around the room. He wasn't there. You honestly didn't blame him, it was cold as shit in here, since you tried to save money on the heating bill. You were just thankful that he had the common courtesy to put a blanket on you before he left. You got up, wrapping the blanket around you. You walked to your small kitchen, and on the table, a small plastic package with a note. You pick up the small package, wrapped in orange plastic, it said "Top Ramen- Chicken Flavor". You could vaguely recall people buying this stuff at work, but you yourself had never taken any interest in it. You put it aside and read the note.

"I'm not sure if you've ever had this stuff or not, I couldn't find any in your cabinets, so I just assumed. Go out and buy some for yourself or something.

-Papa Franku"

You peer over at your small cabinets, and decide to ignore how fucking creepy that was. Then you start making yourself breakfast, two slices of toast with chromosomes and a hardy glass of breast milk. You plan to stay in today, your social energy was at an all time low today, however that was complete bullshit. You just told yourself that to hide the fact that you didn't want to deal with the situation that could possibly happen if you ran into Frank. The events that took place earlier this morning kept replaying in your mind, minus the hellish dream of course. That had been pushed into your subconscious, where you couldn't go unless hypnotized or having sex, so you were pretty well off.

Anyway, one side of you regretted having your first kiss with someone you had known for a day. A goddamn day! Not to mention he was not exactly what you would call a sexy twink. But the other side of you was actually kind of glad. Sure the guy was the textbook fucking definition of a three at max, but to be honest Frank made the whole experience was really pleasant. The care in his eyes, the way he talked to you, the way he held you-

Hang on, a third side of you becoming known.

Confusion. Fucking hell! Why did he kiss you? Does he like you? He was, exhausted, maybe he didn't know what he was doing, but how much exhaustion does someone need to pull that off? Sleep walking? Maybe, but his eyes were open, do people have their eyes open when they sleep walk? Maybe you should go talk to him about it. No, no, you didn't really want to bother him, or even see him for that matter. God, you were acting like a middle school girl who thinks she has a crush.

You let out a deep sigh, it just felt like someone was just breaking a leak over your head repeatedly. Looking over at Lucas, who is just snoozing away in the corner. Damn squirrel- bat. He didn't need to worry about stupid things like relationships and shit like this. You get up to put on some fresh clothes, deciding to deal with the situation when and if it comes. You collapsed on your unmade bed, and but your eyes trail over to other things. The four stuffed plastic bags in the corner. All of them full of gay porn.

Oh.

Oh.

Ohohohoho!

Yes.

You knew exactly what you were going to do today.


	9. Can't Stretch That

You dragged the bookcase down the sidewalk in the direction of the yapartment. You were so glad you made this decision to go out and get the material needed to organize all of your purchased pornographic material. Not to mention how convenient it was, since it just so happened someone was trying to throw out a bookcase and left it in an alleyway about a block from the apartment. Man, this was so far a really good day.

But you soon realized this wasn't going to be so easy. You had been dragging this bookcase for about thirty minutes, and you were still ten yards away from the apartment. You knew there was no way you could get this up stairs, or be able to fit it into the tiny elevator. You were going to need some help.

Despite the fact you wanted to avoid people today, you decided that this overcame your anti-social-ness today, gathered some pebbles and coins, and started throwing them at the window Red Dick had been thrown out of, hoping it was their apartment. You were impressed with yourself how accurately you were hitting the window, I mean- damn! Look at that arm! And so, you continue doing this until the window is literally thrown open and what looks like a flaming ball of duct tape flies out. Don't ask me how you knew it's duct tape, I'm not you.

Pink guy sticks his head out, making a high pitched growling noise. He spots you and tilts his head, making a grunt of questioning. You at first reply with small beeps and clicking, but you stop yourself to create words.

"- can one of you come down to help me?"

Pink guy just stairs at you with what could be considered a "are you shitting me" face.

"I'll pay."

He lets out a joyful squeal and gives you a hand signal that could be a thumbs up, or an attempted shadow puppet. He slips back in as you wait for him to slip out- or at least someone else. After a couple of minutes later the apartment door opens and-

Fuck.

FUCK.

IT'S FUCKING FRANK!

WHO DID YOU EXPECT?!

YOU THOUGHT I'LL BE ORIGINAL?

THENK I US GUD GRAMR?

FUCK NO!

I'M FUCKING LAZY

I'M GOING TO USE.

STUPID.

SHITTY.

CLICHES.

FOR MOVING THE PLOT.

WHY DO I WRITE THIS?! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I PUT THE WORD "REALIZE" INTO THIS THING? WHY DO YOU READ THIS?! TO FUCK FRANK? REALLY? THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU COULD BE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE! YOU CAN GO OUT AND DONATE YOUR VOICE! NO, REALLY! YOU CAN GIVE YOUR VOICE OUT AS AN OPTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE MUTE TO USE THEM! GO OUT AND DO THAT SOMETIME, HELP SOME LIVES! I'm sorry, that was just me venting.

On with the story.

Frank walks out.

His eyes wide as ever, he's wearing cargo shorts, and is barefoot. He stares at you for a second, and then at the bookcase. You meanwhile have your fist clenched so tightly that your knuckles turn milk white., not to mention you're also trying to keep that tiny screaming noise in the back of your throat inaudible. Your mind is racing, should you run? Made you could induce vomiting or fainting. Yeah, that could work. But you realize that that's fucking stupid. It's much more rational to get this over with, and then stay in your apartment alone for the rest of the day organizing all you wonderful material.

Your train of thought comes to a screeching halt when Franks clasps his hand together, "Alright, finally chromosomes of watching outdated German exercise videos come in handy."

What happens next is burnt into your mind for at least a couple of therapy sessions. Frank gets into a handstand, and uses his legs to lift up one side of the bookcase. Once you get out of your five seconds of processing what the hell you are looking at, you lift up the other side of the bookcase, and begin to carry it towards the apartment and up the stairs. The both of you are silent for the first minute or two, but as you're carrying it up the stairs, frank finally starts up a conversation.

"Hey f/n, you said you worked at a mini-mart yesterday, right?"

"Yeah, I di-d1glet."

"Is it the one that's right down the street?"

"Neek, I'm at teh one by teh movie theater, it has a frog on the sign."

"Oddly specific, mkay, so do you like, get discounts from stuff by working there?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Well, if the shiny ass of a beaner get back on time, i might have a favor to ask you."

"Dyke."

You both finally get to your room, and set the bookcase by your bed. Frank returns to his feet, and begins rubbing his wrists. "Man, forgot about how much that aches, my wrists haven't hurt this much since that one time I pissed off a group of female wrestler, you know how they are, so they..."

As Frank told his story, you went into the kitchen to grab a handful of change, keeping your promise to Pink Guy. Hey, it was either this or having him get angry and have him and Safari Man throw day old spaghetti at you when ever they saw you for a month.

"... and I guess you could say, they couldn't keep there hands off me!" he began to holler at his own joke, you were worried you'd get kicked out by the other neighbors. You handed him the money,"Here."

"F/n, you don't have to pay me."

"I promised Pink guy."

"I could hand that guy a handful of push-pins, and he'll just shove them up his ass and treat them the same way," you both begin a fit of giggling as you murmur out,"lol whatta fag," he hands you change. Once the laughter subsides, Frank's face grows somewhat forlorn and dark. You begin to wonder what's wrong, but then he speaks up.

"F-f/n, about what happened last night earlier, I am so sorry."


	10. More Than Before

"Frank, it's fine," Shit! You didn't have any time to plan out what you would say in this situation! Fuck! Now all you could do was tell how you honestly felt! Goddammit!

"No, it's not fine, I made you do something without asking your consent, and I mean, well, we've only known each other for one finger licking day!"

"Frank, seriously, it's fine. I'm glad you grew a pair to talk to me about it. And to be honest... I actually kind of enjoyed it."

"Huh buduhbuduh... You being serious here?"

You went up to him and brought him in for a hug, he smelled like well made cigars and cheap cologne. " 'Course I'm being serious. This is ma serious tone that I use in jury n' shit. But honestly, yeah, I liked what happened, it was... pleasant."

Frank started blinking rapidly and jutting out his lower jaw,"Well gee diddly doo!" He went back to normal and started to nuzzle into your neck. "I don't know... I just feel bad... The way you looked at me when I straddled you and touched you where I did-"

"Hold on- what-" you looked at Franku with a look of pure confusion, which I say is pretty damn rational,"straddle? Touching me? Frank, what are you talking about?"

Frank tilted his head, as if the answer was obvious." When I straddle you and started groping you and then we... You know..."

"No Frank. I really do not know."

A blush began to spread across his face, what the hell? Are there like some fucking weeaboos or something around here, what is this fucking bullshit?

? "When we... When we 69'd last night!"

You just stared at Frank blankly for a couple seconds, then an explanation popped into your head.

" Frank, exactly what did you have last night?"

Frank placed his hands on his hips and turned away from you, " Oh I see, blame the half Japanese guy for being baked like a cake, well tell you what missy, all I had was my usual two cigarettes, a bottle of vodka, and then I had a pear-mango daiquiri."

He looked back at you, and the arch you had made in your eyebrow made him carefully go over his thoughts.

"Well, now that you... Mention it... Red Dick was really smirking when he gave me the daiquiri. Hold up- so you're saying none of that happened?"

" Not to that extant no."

"... Welp, that explains why I woke up with sticky nuts. Oh god! I had a wet dream like a teenager! FUUUUUUCK! MY MODELING CAREER. I WILL NEVER IMPRESS MY FLAVOR FLAV SENPAI! AHHHH..!"

You sit on your bed and give Frank a couple of minutes to calm down. Once he does, he's in a fetal position in the corner of the room, with two of his shirt buttons being undone. He remembers where he is and looks over at you, "So... What exactly did happen?"

A smirk slowly grew on your face. You went to Frank, and nuzzled into his lap, and began to murmur in his ear, "You and I were sitting together on the floor, like this." A perverted look began to show on his face aka sticking his bottom jaw out for a few seconds.

You continued, ignoring the creepiness of that," Then, my hood came off," you pulled you hood down. As Frank saw your full head of h/l h/c locks, his eyes filled with something you had never seen in a person before. His lips curl into a crescent moon, his lips come to your ear, you can feel his hot breath. Oh gyawwwd.

" _Now I remember_."

Your spines shivers hearing him speaking in that way you loved. He wraps his arms around you, and locks his lips to your. The kiss is exactly like the one before, after a minute of this, you both part, gazing at each other, only to bring both of you into another kiss, this time a little more heated. One of his hands slide down to rest on your hip. He breaks the kiss, and brings whispers into you ear-

"Plz gibe da pussi b0ss."

Your fist collides with his face, no one is going to talk to you like that, goddamnit! Especially some cheap strip mouse-dick whasian fuck! Even if you sort of had feelings for him. He was laying on the floor. Holy shit! You knocked him out cold! You had no idea that people could actually do that! You dragged him out to the apartment hallway by his door. You write a note that contain a mixture of an apology, a thank you, and a little hint that you'd be free next Saturday. You tape the note on where his nipple probably is. For the rest of the day you stay in, organizing all you porn and researching how to make a fursuit. You have ramen for dinner that night.

Another fucking day well spent.


	11. A Meeting and Deal Of Two

It was Thursday. 12:30, and an unbearably slow day at work. I mean, yeah you didn't expect much action happening at a mini mart, but come on! No one had been in there for almost an hour. You had decided to pass time by kicking back on the chair you had watching some foreign movies on Netflix with the iPad you had somehow managed to afford. You were watching this Korean one about a mob boss, a bandit, and a petty thief trying to find a gold mine.

Out of no where, your friend T.J., who at the moment preferred to be called Trevor, dashed into the small shop, jumped over the counter top where you were, and hid under it, whilst furiously giving you the silent 'shhh' gesture. Not even five seconds later, dozens of buff male tennis players poured into the establishment, swinging there rackets around, speaking some sort of Scandinavian language, flexing there beautiful pecks. Suddenly, they all went silent for a couple of seconds, looking at you.

Now of course, all this bullshit had occurred so fast, you were still in the exact same position you were in before. And you may be wondering, "But author-san! Those tennis players sound really sexy! Wouldn't I react to there flexing?" My answer to that is no, because you have experienced Prometheus, everything now is just mediocrity to you in comparison. So you just gazed over the "athletes" for a few brief moments, then returned to your movie.

"You break it, you buy it."

The tennis players all looked at each other for a couple of seconds, then started going through stuff in the store, shelves, the refrigerators, everything. But of course, none of them came behind the counter, that would've just been rude! After about five minutes of this, they started grouping back up, some of them even buying a few items, they all nodded, and ran outside once more, yelling and waving their rackets.

Once they were all gone, you returned to your original spot, and poked your friend out of hiding. He crawled out, looked around and climbed over to the other side of the counter. His mop of wavy brown hair hung in front of his face, his pale olive skin pink from the exhaustion of sprinting. But his hazel eyes held a sort of look toward you that said 'I definitely owe you one don't I?'

"Trevor?"

"F/n?"

"This is the second time something like this has happened this week? Why do you piss of so many foreign male athletes?"

"Hey, I'm just the one that gives them the pornography, it's not my fault they didn't enjoy the material they picked out."

Trevor, aka "T.J." was the owner of the porn shop you had visited. although you had only knew each other for a couple weeks, a friendship had grown in a quite surprising rate. What made it better was the fact that he was a regular at your work, and he would tell you that you practically saved him from having to live in the shop by buying enough material to pay his rent.

"Anyway, did you come for the usual?"

Trevor just sighed,"Yeah, but I'm thinking of getting some haagen dazs, any new flavors?"

"Trev, are you still sad about that breakup?"

He suddenly got all melodramatic, you could practically see a spotlight appear on him," Do not remind me, my spandex infused friend, for my dejected heart still aches with desolation that my inamorato once filled. But due time, the gash in my soul will heal."

"First off," you began, swearing you could hear the sound of a record scratch," I can recall you telling me that you guys were together for like- what three months? Second, come on ma- ma- MANATEE'S BALLS! According to you, it's been like, over a month!"

"Psssshhhh-Okay, you got's me! I just feel fat today okay? Can a man not eat a tub of ice cream and not have to have a reason only for enjoying it?"

"Yeah, but I mean, won't 'Julie' be really subconscious about her body after you eat it?"

"Come on F/n, we both know Julie doesn't care about stuff like that."

But then, the mini mart door flew open, and in came a two familiar faces. Frank came in strutting with so much swag that a mailbox behind him flew to the other side of the street hitting an old woman in the head. But don't worry, she was racist, and an organ donor! So a black church would now be able to do the hallelujah or some really inspiring song. Behind him followed Salamander man, rubbing his nipples and mumbling to himself.

Not even Mister Clean could wipe off the jack ass grin Frank had on his face," I'm gonna be honest, I just completely guessed whether or not you worked here."

You raised an intellectual index finger in doubt,"So hang on, you mean you were willing to just waste a perfectly good swag-forced walk on- WAIT A MINUTE WHAT TEH HELLIO ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Papa Franku began to furiously rub his hands together like a cliche villain in a cliche story(Hey! Sorta like this one! Ha!)," Well, I was just going to admire your voluptuous store, but now that you remind me," he pulls out a wad of cash and throws it at you," I need you to buy as many kinds as sodas and as much of it as possible with this!" he continues throwing money at you like a huge fountain. "And when I mean as many kinds and as much, I'm talking interracial orgy amount!"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture, but can I ask why?"

"Welp, Papa needs em' for a video that's coming up."

"Video?"

"Yeah, for my channel on the webz."

"Ah, I see. No offense, but I won't be watching your channel, I really don't want to see what you make."

"I honestly do not blame you."

"NYEEEESSS!"

"Oh geez, your right Salamander man, don't wanna be late for that erotic foot massage!" Frank finishes throwing money at you and starts to leave," Okay remember, buy a bunch, and bring it over Friday."

"Fine, but you better give a goddamn wagon or something to get that shit over there."

"Deal, see you later, I can't wait my dear."

With that, he and his Lycra friend leave. You give yourself a couple seconds to let the faint blush that came to your face disappear. You had managed to avoid Frank for the previous few weeks, only occasionally running into him for him to give you a peck on the cheek. You look over to Trevor, whose still gazing at the door, a deeper blush covering his cheeks.

"Trevor, Trevor, come on, come back," you poke him on his boob, and he shakes his head quickly, remembering where he is," Oh yeah sorry, so... you know that white Lycra that was just here?"

"Yeah, Salamander man, one of my neighbors, why?"

"I've... I've never seen a Lycra-person whoes dick I want to devour as much before."

"Oh my god- T.J.!"

"Hey, I'm just saying, if he's not into this," he gestures to himself," he can always give Julie a try."

"Gahd dammit Trevor," you squeeze your nose bridge, trying to get an image you'd rather not think about at the moment out of your head. You begin gathering up the money surrounding you, and begin to wonder what's going to happen to you this weekend.


	12. The Pair in The Lap

120000 Ch (Friday)

Realm 6.2

Bangcreek Mini mart

Your shift was finally over, you got your paycheck, and left the guy who took the next shift, a beauteous halfrican who went by the name Shoe. You nodded to him and proceeded to buy 300 dollars worth of soda, loaded it all up in a little red wagon, and began walking home. T.J. caught up to you, and she was unusually revealing today, wearing short shorts and a shirt that tried to exaggerate her double aa's.

You looked her over, she had her hair combed," I have to admit Julie, you like an 8.5 minimum."

She punched you in the arm, defiantly going to leave a bruise," Bitch plz! Maybe by lesbian standards! I am a solid ten, would bang!"

You roll your eyes, you just glad your friend was finally moving on from the last guy," Listen, lets just say there's the chance that Salamander man doesn't want to do the do with you, which MAYDAY remind you, is the overshadowing chance, what then?"

"I will proceed to take a couple of sodas from this wagon, go to my apartment, pour myself two glasses of wine with some romantic candles and drink both of them, wrap myself in a burrito blanket and drunkenly buy my entire Amazon wishlist, because at that point, I've earned it."

"... You've really thought this out."

" When your me, you got's to be ready for anything!"

"Is that why you bought birth control?"

"How do you know I bought birth control?"

"We're in Walgreen's, and you just bought it."

Julie looked around, indeed, all during the conversation you guys had walked into a Walgreens and she was now handing the money to the cashier.

"My subconscious knows me so well," she murmured.

When you guys made it to the apartment, luckily able to fit the wagon into the elevator You made knocked on your neighbor's door, a couple seconds later, you were welcome by Prometheus, extra virgin olive oil glossing his entire body. A waterfall of drool starting pouring out of your mouth, Julie just looked at him for two seconds, literally two seconds, and then blood spurted out of her nose with such force she was knocked off her feet and knocked unconscious. Once you got over the initial envy to touch his pecs, he motioned you to come in, and you dragged Julie in with.

Frank was sitting at a round table, Red Dick and some black guy on the other side of it. They were just staring intensely at each other.

You laid Julie on a couch and went to see what those three were doing.

After about thirty seconds, the black guy suddenly threw a kiwano at Frank, to attempted to whack it with a fly-swatter, but it ended up hitting him in the face, he then fell to the floor, and began to cry like a bitch. He finally noticed you were standing there and immediately stood up and leaned against the wall all tough-like.

"Sup, girl."

" Ehhhhh, I brought the... soda."

He snaps his fingers, and Salamander man hands him a switch blade, he walks over to the wagon, picks up a can of grape fizzy, and stabs into the side of it. He starts to drink the contents, smacking his lips and humming in approval.

"Gotta say F/n boy, I knew you had your sources, but I didn't know it was this pure, wow!"

"Are you done treating the soda like cocaine? I'm really not in the mood," you could just feel that migraine coming. Any moment now.

" Almost- We just need to make sure you aren't pulling a fast one on us," he snaps his fingers again, then again, then a couple more times," Salamander man what the hell!"

You look over at the unusual Lycra- person who was over by the couch. He sat next to the unconscious Julie, gazing her over. He leaned closer to her, and lightly dragged his long tongue over her cheek. She then came to, nearly punching Salamander man as a form of defense, whilst yelling,"RAAAAAAAAAAPE!"

"Ny-Nooooo!"

Everyone in the room turned toward the two. Salamander man had actually said 'no'! Wow. Julie realized who it was. Her face turned red as she sat the other direction away from him. "I- I'm sorry. I just- you know how it is..."

"MM. mm."

"So uh.. your name is Salamander man?"

"Nyeess!"

She saw the nipple rubbing and giggled," So you always rub your nipples like that?"

"NYEEEES!"

" And why's that?"

"Nyeees..."

"Is that so? Well-" she whispered something to him. His eyes widened and he stopped rubbing his nipples for a couple seconds.

"How's that sound?"

"Ny- Nyesss!"

"Well, before we go off doing something like that, we should at least know a little about each other, shouldn't we?"

"Nyees!"

You at this point has completely faded from whatever was going on there, and checked out what Frank was doing before. Apparently the goal was to wait for an indefinite amount of time until one of them threw a piece of fruit, then try to block it.

After several rounds with 9 wins and 11 losses, you decided to call it a day.

" Uh, hey Julie, you gonna be okay if I go?"

"Yeah it's fine," she was still on the couch with Salamander man, now pretty much in his laps as they talked about whatever the fuck they were talking about.

," I'll be fine, you have a good a night."

"Alright, se-SEMEN! you guys."

You got back into your apartment, but not even a second after you had closed the door. There was a knock. Of course, if was Frank.

"What the hell do you-"

"Can we sleep together tonight?"


	13. Pin The Kitten

"I beg your pardon?" you ask.

"Could we. Sleep together. To-"

"Okay, okay, I heard you but... Arayot- Are you being serious?"

"Do I look like I'm being serious?"

"You look like a disgruntled old guy about to ask the teenagers in his neighborhood to stop fucking his lawn gnomes, if I'm gonna be honest."

" Yeah you... you sort of hit the nail on the head with that one."

You were now leaning on the doorway, wanting to actually understand what the hell was going on here," So, Frank, could you just explain... just- why?"

"I'm not saying in like, a sexual way, just like, two people sleeping in the same bed, and maybe romance?"

"Good to know, okay, but why?"

"Come on F/n, we can agree that something is beginning to happen between us, something that I think might become somewhat... pleasant. So like a fine frozen burrito in the back of the freezer, lets see what this might become."

"Hang onisun- on just... justle..." You quickly considered the risk and consequence of what you do next. You then decided genuinely liked Frank, aaaand you didn't really have anything going on tomorrow, also Frank was beginning to make a really creepy face whilst rubbing his loins, making you uncomfortable like a sandpaper tampon.

"Alright, gut under one condition Franku."

"What condition mmmaster?!"

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"That! That high voice bullshit! Also those faces, not something I can kiss without projectile vomiting. I know I'm sounding a bit like a contol freak, and I'm fine with when you do this stuff in the right situation, but if you do it anytime in there, your ass is going in the trash. Literally. And so, if you want,"you step out of the doorway,"You may come in."

You walk out the bathroom and into the bedroom, shivering a bit at the cold. You had opened all the windows in hope of making it cold enough for your Lycra- skin to grow, since you wanted to cover as much of your human skin as possible, only having a tank top and gym shorts to wear. But all it had accomplished was making you irritatingly chilly. You close you window, and glance outside, wondering where Lucaz might be, probably cruising with bitches or something. Your eyes then fall upon Papa Franku. Laying on your bed, shirt unbuttoned, tight boxers hugging his thighs, glasses tilted down in such a way that made him pretty damn-am-handsome.

Oh god, he's rubbing little circles into your comforter. Wait, now he's about to say something,"So, what happens from here?"

"Wellz, first off you're going to take off that shirt because I'm certain you've worn that everday for over a month."

"Oho, ohohoh, I like where this is heading," he murmurs as he slips off his shirt slowly. His skin was sort of shiny. Was it sweat? No, it might be Vaseline or vapo-rub, hell, I don't know, it's just glossy okay?

"Then," you continue," you'll stay on that side of the bed, and I shall stay this side of the bed."

"Oof, I gotta say F/n, this dominate personality, I really- it's really making my loins shiver," he begins rubbing his shoulders in a fake shudder. Yep, that's it. We gonna do something out of the ordinary? We gonna be out of character? Be sporadic? A bit edgy? Fushk yesha.

You jump on top of Frank, pushing his shoulders to the mattress. Look at him, the surprise in his eyes are so adorable, or is that fear? Is this rape? You don't know. But god he's so endearing right now, and his chest is surprisingly smooth and soft. Almost like a character from your books. You suddenly recalled a little something from some of the videos you had watched. Let's try it out now, shall we?

"Oh my gahd. F/n, F/n, what are you doing? F/n, stah-ah!" Franku gasps as your warm tongue rolls from his collarbone, up the length of his neck, ending at his jawline. Uhhgg. You can feel his stubble. You begin to suck on a little bit of his flesh, savoring it, as you let your fingernail drag across his torso, receiving a little moan from the man beneath you. After a couple more minutes of this, you let his meat disconnect from you, look straight into eyes, and start patting his face.

"Sorry 'bout that," you say," just wanted to see what you... taste like."

" No, No! This ain't right! Franku-sama does not take a submissive role! I am as dominate as the Germans were to the Polish! I have practiced on plenty of warm cantaloupes to know this! I shall not be-" you cut Frank off with a kiss on the lips. You experiment but swiping your tongue across your bottom lip. He stops protesting, and begins to push back in the kiss. Your lips part, and you rest your forehead on his and began to speak to him in little clicks and beeps.

"I was able to make you mew like a kitten. You enjoyed every bit off that Frank. But I apologize regardless," you got off him to put a pillow between the both of you.

"Try to keep your grabbers off me, okay?" you say, before turning off the light.

"You're sending mixed messages like a fruit salad, you know that F/n?"

"And you're acting out of character as if you were in a crappy story because the author is a fucking idiot. Goodnight Franku."

"Goodnight F/n- hold on, what?


	14. Not This Spit Again!

_It's so nice and quiet._

 _But it's kind of cold out here._

 _Is this snow?_

 _Weird._

 _Oh, hang on._

 _There's a cottage._

 _It must be cozy in there._

You walk up to it, and knock on the door. Then he opens-

Woah.

He's hot.

" Oh, hello, do you... need something?"

 _Oh._

 _It's him._

He's the only one with such a hush, but poised voice like that.

"Yes... it's quite chilly, would you mind if I came in for a bit?"

"Hm... I don't see why not, sure."

He lets you in. It _is_ warm in here! You follow him into the small kitchen, and sit across from him at a small table, he starts typing away at his laptop, and suddenly you have a cup of hot chocolate in front of you. You inspect his face, he doesn't look like he's had a good night's rest in a while. A shame, he seems like the kind of guy who deserves that kind of thing. Oh, you just remembered something-

"Is that the same song you were working on?" you ask.

"No, this is a completely new project, I pretty much trashed the old one," he replied, not looking up from the laptop.

" Hm, too bad, so do you know if anyone will hear this particular song?"

"Don't know, maybe, it really depends how I feel by the time I'm finished with it."

You take a sip of the hot chocolate. Warm. You remember something else.

"So... this won't like- become some sort of fucked up nightmare like the others, will they?"

He stops typing and looks up at you. A smile begins to spread across his face like butter," A millions dollar question, is it not? Welp, if you want my best answer here's my best shot; since you've finally pointed it out, it's up to you weather or not it will happen."

"Whether or n-? I _never_ want that to happen!"

"Then I guess it'll never happen."

You sigh and begin to slouch far into your chair. It made perfect sense to you sense to you, but that passive-aggressive sarcastic tone of his just added the edge to the answer. Bored, and curious, you began counting your fingers. You froze when you had managed to do it like you would in any other situation. Which meant-

"Is this place real, do you exist?" you ask. He looks up from his laptop once more, and begins to chuckle in a way that made your skin crawl a bit.

" Well, that's a tricky one, do I exist? Does this place exist? Yeah, absolutely. But am I _real?_ That's a matter of opinion."

"Eh- how- buh- what in the name of baby cheeks are talking about, 'real' and 'exist' mean basically the same thing! What is up with this mysterious bullshit! GEH!"

"Don't be too sure, I person who was born color blind will believe that color exist, because people will tell them that all their life. But deep down, they will never truly know if color is a real thing."

"Is- is this what you really do with yourself? Sit here and think of philosophic crap like this? It's not even that good. Kind of a waste of time, and I'm the master of time-wasteing, wasted over ten years of my life accomplishing the growth of my bones and hormones!"

"Hey I occasionally have a thing called 'free-time' and I make use of it- oh, you better get going, _it's_ beginning to make its way to you," he points behind you, and you see a mass of black tendril slowly entering the room. You look back of the young man, who getting ready to jump out an open window," It was nice talking to you F/n, if you want to get back to your realm, just go though that cupboard, see you later."

He doesn't even manage to finish his sentence by the time you crawl into a cupboard, where you feel yourself falling toward a something a bright light.

You feel yourself jolt awake. Once you get over that tiny heart attack, and your heartbeat returns to normal you notice you're unusually warm for being under one cover. Then you notice something else.

Frank is spooning you.

For a moment you sort of want to throw him out the window, but then you decide this is really comfortable, so you'll let it slide. Is he comfortable? Your hood's up, so no hair is getting in his face, his arm is under your neck, you it should be fine. You can here Frank making little lip smacking noises, but it like 4 in the morning, so you decide to ignore it, and go back to sleep.


	15. Are You fine?

You wake up slowly. Oh, Frank is still spooning you. It's somehow adorable. He's somehow adorable. You readjust yourself a little bit, he just pulls you in closer. Oh god, why is that cute? Jesus Christ you hope you didn't sleep wrong the wrong.

Wait, is something poking you? It that his-

NOPE. NOOOOOOPE. NOPE. NOPE!

You jump out of bed in a scramble of high pitch squeaks and clicking sounds. Frank remains asleep, but groans at the sudden loss. Hang on, did he just mumble your name? You're too freaked and don't know what do in this situation, the people in your comic books know how to handle something like this, but- gross! You're not going to do something like that! Well, it did feel pretty big- NO! Not today! It's probably acorn sized! Stop that weird feeling in your lower gut you pervert!

Luckily, you remember T.J., so you go over to you neighbor's door and knock. Clothed in only a bathrobe, T.J. answers it. Bad posture, emphasized bags under the eyes, hair that looks like it's supposed to be messy-

"Good morning Trevor," you say.

"And too you, do you... Want to go get breakfast or something? I'll pay of course."

"Sure, why not?"

"Also.. Do you have any clothes I could borrow? The one I have are... Julie's clothes."

"Of course man it's fine."

You lend Trevor a thick sweater on some worn out jeans, and a few minutes later you're both out the door. The both of you chat about the surprising stability of T.J.'s business, as well as the job offering you could get from him. You both find yourselves in front of an IHOP and decide this is the best option.

Whilst waiting for the weird flavor of pancakes you both had ordered. You brought up the subject of Salamander Man, and T.J. proceeded to sum up what happen in about 16 words.

" Doing romantic stuff with a guy who has a long tongue is a mind-blowing experience."

"Is that so?"

" I mean, all we did was kiss, but think about what may happen if we go to third base! It'd be like watching a flamingo taking off with a jetpack, and then getting 100'000 ounces of silver! Next time you start kissing That guy you're dating- Frank is it? Okay so, put your tongue as deep into his mouth as you can, and I bet he'll go crazy!"

"Hang on, what makes you think I'm dating Frank?" You ask, getting really defensive all the sudden.

" Wait you're not-? Oh, I see, friends with benefits? Didn't know you swung that way F/n-"

"We're not- I mean... I don't really know what we are."

"Hold up, you've been with this guy for how long?"

"Well, I'd say this... Thing started like... A month ago?"

"And you guys have not had the conversation of what you both are?"

" Oh, so you've had this so called conversation with Salamander Man?"

" As a matter of fact, yes, it was a simple question he asked me when we woke up in each other's arms. 'So are we in a relationship?' And I said 'pretty much' Then we made out a bit and here I am!"

You sunk your head in defeat," Why are you so good at this sort of thing T.J.?"

"'Cause I'm a bomb ass bitch," he replied," now get your head off the table, the food's coming."

You began to stuff your face with IHOP and decided that you would ask Frank what this thing was, you expected the answer would either be short and sweet, like these pancakes. Or awkward and someone possibly getting shot, like what this gentleman with the gun was about to do. Wait wha-

"EVERYONE GET ON THE GROUND NOW!" He shoots the ceiling, the blast ringing in your ears. T.J. Pulls you under the table, and throws 30$ in front of him. The man walks over at people taking money from them. He walks over to you and Trevor, and picks the money up, glaring and pointing the gun at both of you, threatening you and shit. you began to sputter out an insult that just sounded like clicking. Then you start to hear sirens outside, he begins running. After a few minutes of that terrifying ordeal, you and Trevor start to walk back to the apartment, you're still in a bit of shock, T.J. isn't phased at all.

" Oh, I just remembered, F/n, are you doing anything today?"

" Other then going over every life decision I've ever made, not much."

" Well, Salamander Man invited me to come do this thing with him and his buddies, a video of sorts, and perhaps you could come along?"

" You know what Trevor? Fuck it, sure, I just went through that near-death... Thing. Why not live a little?"

"That's the spirit! Well, I gotta go home and get into some off my own clothes, but I'll see you later today. Stay safe F/n!"

"See you later T.J." You say. You walk back to your apartment, you enter the door, and immediately feel yourself tackled.

(A/N NARUTO IS DA BESS ANIMUUU SUBS ARE BETTER DAN DUBBIWUBBISTEP BLAAAARRRWAAAAAPAPAPAPA. Now that I have you attention, constructive cristisims and other sort of nice comments would be so appreciated. BUSH CAUSE 9/11! I WARNED DEM JAPANESE IN DA 1940'S NOT TO DROP MAH MIXTAPE, AND LOOK WHA HAPLENED TO DEM! Seriously though, that you all so much.)

Also you can find a more complete and more frequently updated version of this story on Wattpad, same username author, same title!


	16. Are You Sure?

"Frank... why? Why? Get off please..."

"Are you okay? Some crackhead in the hall told me there was a robbery and shooting at an IHOP! Did you go to the IHOP?! Was the shooter black?! WAS HE BLACK GODDAMMIT?!"

You began to furiously squeak as you cursed at Frank and shoved him off you. He continued to examine you from a few feet away. Whilst you were impressed with that sudden feat of strength, you were also surprised at Frank's childish concerns, as well of how fast the news got to him. Like, wow, crackheads must have super hearing or something. Geez.

" I'm okay Frank, I didn't get hurt. I did have to go through that asshole trying to do the robbing thing though... So I kind of want to wrap myself in a blanket and sort of just give up today," but the. The thought of Trevor kissing Salamander Man, causeing your spine to shiver at how fucking uncanny that is and remember some advice he gave you," aside from that, can I ask you something?"

"Neh? Okay I admit it, I was the one who through watermelon your windows."

"That was you?! The fuck man! And the watermelon was old and grainy and shit! Disgusting! But no, that not what I wanted to ask you. Frank- "

"Yes I will marry you," he says.

"Can you not," you say, getting frustrated that he won't let you finish your sentence. Like- come on! It's only one more second!

" Frank, what is exactly are we?"

"Well you're a half-Lycra half-Human hybrid whoes-"

"No I mean, in this relationship, what are we, are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Because I can't really tell."

" B- boyfriend and girlfriend? N- n- no, I would exactly call us that...

"Franku, your face is turning pink like that shitty partially cooked shrimp, you do consider us that."

" No! I just... Mmn... God fuck it!" He proceeded to curl up on the floor and start sobbing in a fetal position. You don't want to deal with his bitching at the moment. So you take a quick shower ( and you sure you lock the door- no one murdering you or doing the do in here!). When you got dressed in fresh clothes, and decided you didn't feel gross, you went back to the living room/ kitchen to find Frank acting really out of character because story is poorly written, and remaining curled up in a fetal position. You sigh, he's doing it again. And so you sit on the floor next to him and wrap a comforting arm around him. And start making beeps that sound like bubble wrap popping.

" You're hopeless. Come on man, if your really that uncomfortable with it, how about we just call each other friends with benefits for now?"

Frank looks deep as fuck into your eyes and starts blinking rapidly, " You'd really do that for me?"

" Anything for a FRIEND!" the both of you laugh insanely to the shitty joke you just pull, probably interrupting one of your neighbor's masturbation sessions- how dare you!?


	17. The Switch-a-Roo

Realm 814.1879

Sex Forest Realm (No longer in use)

" So Frank-"

"Yes boy-girl?

" My name is T.J."

" F/n was calling you a guy, but you're a girl."

"Some people call you a genius with your videos that take an ironic turn with the concept of racism, as well as the perfect example of 'cultural irony', and sometimes they call you a virgin cock jokey, does that mean I can call you an ironic virgin cock jockey?"

" I you can just call me the PUSSY FARMER!"

" And I you can just call me T.J."

Frank stared at Trevor for a couple seconds, and then looked back over t you, and you were trying not to laugh at how served Frank had gotten. Like, Cheesecake Factory served.

"Is T.J. like this all the time?" Frank asked you. You gave a look that you tried to make say 'Are you really asking that.'

" You can call him a dog on fire, cuz dis bitch just BURNED you! YEEEEEAAAAAAHH..." you proceeded to walk a total of thirty feet away from the group. But then you saw it.

"Wow..." you whispered. Everyone in the group, of which consisted of Frank, T.J., Salamander man, Red Dick, you, and some flying robot-helicopter holding a camera that was called 'Drone'(but unfortunately not Pink Guy because he had been recovering from internal bleeding after having push pins in his bum) gathered around where you were standing to see the glorious pentagram, lush with green glass and old chicken blood. It was... sort of beautiful. I mean- not spiritually- heavens no! Just... the scenery around it looked nice.

"Huh, seems the map was a bit off- whelp that's what I get for hiring banana people to make em I guess!" Frank said, tossing it behind him, which was swiftly grabbed and consumed by Red Dick. The group made there way to the pentagram, and as you came closer, you saw it wasn't a star at all! It was in fact-

"A giant cock, wow!"

Indeed! It was a giant cock! It's long elegant feathers carved with the greatest of detail, making the reader realizes it isn't a penis but just a literal drawing of a rooster. You began to doubt if that chicken blood was even blood, and you weren't really sure how you were able to mistake a giant chicken for an upside down star. Weird. And with your immense amount of sodas, you guys started going to work. Pouring soda into the crevices that made up the pentagram- if you could call it that. You all stood at the edge of a circle, Franck took something wrapped in tin foil out of a plastic bag, probably a burrito.

He walked backwards while muttering something you couldn't hear, his eyes were rolling up into his head- but that was something you used to.

Suddenly a figured appeared in the middle of the circle. A... Black Lycra? Not like brown people black, just... Black.

"ORE WA OCHINCHIN DAISKI NANDAYO!/ Lol hey 'sup fuck heads"

You began to feel immense fear, like you shouldn't be here. It was dangerous. But then Frank spoke up-

" Lord Chin Chin, I ask of you to please create the weeaboo barrier around my realm, I mean, yeah I could just lock the door, but Salamander Man and Safari Man just continue to let these evil entities into the house!"

"Nyeees!"

"Eehhh ore wa... Ochinchin/ and what's in it for me cunt ?"

"For a years worth of protection, I have boughten you a mean-ass burrito."

" mmmmnnn.. Nandayo/ I suppose it could be a deal," he said, picking up the mentioned object and taking a bite into it. Immediately spitting out like poorly made shoeshine.

"ORE WA- OCHINCHIN DAISKI NANDAYO/ What is this bullshit?! It's not a burrito, it's a goddamn wrap!"

"Red Dick, why the hell did you get a wrap? I told you burrito!" Franku yelled to the spectacle Lycra-person, who replied with shrugging. Drone was sort of just there filming, not really doing jack-shit.

" Ore wa... ochinchin daiski! NANDAYO!/ Getting my hopes up and then wreking them! You just wreked my hopes you shit-face! This will be punished most severely!"

"Please Dark Lord! Have mercy! Their one and a half girls here as a matter of fact!"

"Hey!"Trevor scowled.

"Ochinchin nandayo/ lol yeah about that the lycra girl is who imma punish a bit then."

"WHAT?!" Frank and you yelled at the same time.

"Ore wa ochinchin daiski nandayo!/ Lol her bitch ass mother thought she could hide you from me until you were strong enough- frost the dreams- and now- i take a part of you!" he snapped his fingers and a sharp pain shot through your abdomen. You rolled on the ground trying to comfort the ache, suddenly, you felt warmth running down your thigh. You were so confuse and scared that you sputtered out sounds of dropping a sick beat.

"Oh god! A- am I bleeding?!" You look into your sweatpants and at your thighs, startled to see the red staining the blue Lycra skin," Jesus! Holy shit! Did you- oh my god did you just rip out my hymen?!"

" Ochinchin daiski nanayo/ Lol yeah, still a virgin though, now i can do this to you." the Overlord replied, you had just gotten to your feet when he snapped his fingers again, you felt like a fat buffalo knocked into you. Everything sort of... went black.


End file.
